We Didn't See Any Giant Space Otters, Chinese Astronauts Claim

Two chinese astronauts returned safely to earth, after a five day space adventure, in which absolutely nothing exciting happened.

Astronauts Fei Junlong and Nie Haisheng came back from a five-day flight exhausted, happy, yet slightly let down that nothing memorable happened on their journey. The Chinese press gathered excitedly around the Mongolian landing sight, and peppered the astronauts with questions about the seven-limbed space goddesses that they didn't see.


Fei Junlong seated in the unexciting cockpit of the Chinese Spacecraft Shenzhou VI. Not pictured: Absolutely nothing of interest.

Soon after the astronauts touched down, Tang Xianming, director of China's Space Agency, called a press conference. "Everything went okay. Nothing went wrong. No computer went awry, no fuel leaked, no programmer left out a decimal point. There were no explosions, there was no risk, nor was there any excitement as the spacecraft re-entered the earth's atmosphere".

At this point, Nie Haisheng leant towards the microphones. The world's press held their breath. "Actually", Haisheng said, "the Spacecraft was a little bumpy on re-entry, but after a quick check of the instruments, it turned out that everything was fine. I think this is normal". When asked if it was true that he and Fei Junlong definitely did not see any Flaming Astro-Donkeys, Haisheng shrugged and replied "I didn't see any. But then again, I spent most of the five days imagining how exciting this could have been".

China's top legislator Wu Bangguo, who watched the return of Shenzhou VI from the Beijing Aerospace Command and Control Centre, said "I didn't see much. I fell asleep when I realised that there was not a lot going on. I did have a good dream though, about a small child with celery for arms who gave me advice about my marriage".


Staff at the Beijing Aerospace Command and Control Centre spent much of the mission finding ways of amusing themselves.

When quizzed why the space mission was totally unremarkable, Bangguo replied "the problem, I think, is that space is rather big, and as such, nothing much happens there. I think we would have done better if we had just stayed at home and pretended".


Space. Big and empty.