Speaking to BBC education correspondent Rick Spigget, Dr. Elliot said, “For years, I’ve suspected that dyslexia was just a blanket under which sleep thousands of children who simply cannot be bothered to learn basic literary skills. As a result, I started a study to discover if these slothful beggars were using dyslexia as a wall to hide behind whilst they simply masturbated their education away”.
Dr. Elliot spend thirty years conducting exhausting research, in which he read “well over half a dozen” books and leaflets, after which he came to the conclusion that it is simply an impossibility to tell the different between an indolent, brain-dead youth and a child with a serious learning block.
During his research, Dr. Elliot placed ten dyslexic seven-year-olds in a room, and gave them an hour to write a set essay. “And after that hour,” Dr. Elliot states “not one child had written anything cohesive or meaningful. One had just drawn a picture of a tank. A clear indication that they were just too lazy to do anything constructive.” When asked what he suspected they did for the hour, Dr. Elliot merely shrugged. “They were probably just mucking about”.
A letter Dr Elliot received. "I couldn't read most of them" he later admitted.
The British Dyslexia Association (BAD) claimed the findings were “complete and utter woghosh”. Professor Susan Tresman, spokesperson for the British Dyslexia Association, in an official press release stated:
“The British Dyslexia Association is outraged that Dr. Elliot is suggesting we’re all lathopogically lazy. Dyslexia is not a condition to be sniffed at, and we would appreciate it is Dr. Elliot would aplologise to dyslexia sufferers everywhere”.
Since releasing his findings to the public, Dr. Julian Elliot has been bombarded with “badly worded correspondence, rife with spelling errors” he can only deduce came from “lazy bastards who insist their condition warrants them an extra hour in examinations.”
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