Does your partner often complain of a lingering smell? Do people cross the street when they see you coming? Do you look like you live in or near a box? We here at Dove understand. That’s why we’re bringing you New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar!
The way Dove works is simple. New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar acts as a guard against everyday dirt, defending your skin from all the intrusions modern life can throw at it.
A computer generated graphic of the efficacy of New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar
As can be seen, Dove actively fights off everyday household dirt, whilst ordinary household soap simply absorbs dirt until there is nothing left. Dove can even tackle super dirt, which is a dangerous microbe that causes blindness in small children and lesbians.
But that’s not all! New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar will enable you to experience a new kind of freshness. New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar is scented with pickles and garlic for that unique scent, which is a hallmark of all Dove products.
Tests conducted by Dove’s expert research and development team show that 78% of men who regularly use New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar receive 65% more handjobs, 57% more high-fives and 91% more beer at parties.
The benefits of New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar are enormous.
You will become more popular if you use this product. You will become a better person. You will be the toast of the evening. Just look at these testimonials.
Mr. Greg Shapely, 45, Ashford, England – “When I was given New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar as a gift, well, I was thrilled. I used it straight away and when I went to my favourite restaurant that evening, I got an extra piece of steak for free!”
Mrs. Geena Ropowlski, 32, New York, USA – “I have been using New Dove for almost two months, and in that time, I’ve saved the rainforests and invented clean, reusable fuel for cars! I couldn’t have done that without the cleaning power of New Dove!”
Rev. Frank Baker, 56, Auckland, NZ – “Before I used New Dove, I only suspected God existed. But now, He appears before me wherever I go, saying he loves my fresh, new, exciting scent!”
New Dove Cool Moisture Beauty Bar is the single most important beauty product developed since the twin-speed hairdryer. This product will change your life.
Just look how happy these regular Dove users are. They have a Ferrari out front and a pool out back.
This man does not use Dove. Notice how ugly he is? That’s what you will look like unless you use New Dove! In stores now!
You cannot afford to miss out on Dove. Be a part of what everyone is talking about. Be yourself, but better!
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