Airbus Accident: Could You Die Next?

Investigators are looking for the cause of a Jetblue flight's emergency landing on Wednesday when a landing gear jammed at a 90 degree angle, a near-disaster which News Skim believes was likely caused by illegal immigration. Our experts tell us that fifty or sixty immigrants hiding in the undercarriage, trying to sneak into the country unobserved, could easily jam the landing gear and bring about a catastrophe.


The effects of immigration.

“Hiding in the undercarriage of airplanes is not a new trick.” Howard Plagens, of the National Transportation Safety Board said. “Immigrants have been doing it for years – hell, that’s how my family got to America in the first place. But in recent years there's been a sharp rise in the number of revolting immigrants piling into America from Urukryinstan, or Tajinirikkistan, or wherever the bloody hell else they’re from.”

Before, immigrants would simply hide in the undercarriage, maybe with a blanket to fend off the cold. But recently they have started bringing along furniture, livestock and their extended families. In the bigger jets, entire communities of Easter Europeans have been found nestling around the landing gear.


The all-to-common sight of landing gear being improperly used as a home.

Increasingly, immigrants have become more more inventive. German Airport officials at Hannover had to ground a Boeing 747 when it became apparent that three generations of Uzbeks had cunningly disguised themselves as the flaps and ailerons on the left wing of an Airbus 319. Indian officials have numerous reports of people approaching a plane, dressed up as “pilots” and trying to “fly the plane somewhere. Anywhere.”