Ten Classic Toys And Why They Suck
over on Cracked.com
Thursday, 24 April 2008
How To Woo A Lady - Part 2
How to woo a lady - part 2
One of the most important lessons my good father ever taught me, other than how to deal with Financial Matters, was that everything action you do has a consequence and that whatever you do, you will have to face up to that consequence, especially if it has involved a magic spell gone wrong, with family friendly results, but such problems can be overcome by discussing them with your two Aunts or talking cat. Actually, come to think of it, I think the adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch taught me that. All my father taught me was how to pass water standing up, and he didn’t do a good job of it because I constantly have urine stains on the inside of my legs and all over my shoes.
Nevertheless, learning to deal with consequences is important. Everything we do has a second part, if you will, and the noble art of wooing a lady is one of those very things. Wooing is not over when your date screams “get away from me you asshole”, or disappears to the toilet and crawls out the window or even if she decides to come home with you. Oh no, if that’s the case, then you have a whole new subdivision of wooing to learn.
If you followed section one of ‘How To Woo A Lady’, then your date will be suitably wooed by the end of the evening. If you did not follow the guide to the very letter, then your date may be in the process of applying for a court action against you. Do not panic! This is an entirely normal consequence of a failed wooing and if you find yourself in such a scenario, simply pull up your socks, bribe the necessary officials and continue your preliminary wooing assault.
If, however, you correctly applied the hints suggested to you, then your date will be initially wooed to a satisfactorily degree, and stage two of the wooing process can begin. It’s a nerve-wracking journey, but don’t worry. We shall get through this together! So, let us begin:
“How To Woo A Lady Part 2 – Getting Intimate With A Lady”.
Preparation: Make sure your house is lady friendly before you leave for your Big Date
This is a simple task. Firstly, as you are a bachelor, you will not have changed your bed sheets for months, or maybe you’ve never even changed them at all. Whatever you do, do not change them. If your date sees fresh sheets, she will no doubt feel that you already have a lady to complete such tasks and will leave, feeling unwanted. Additionally, ladies like the smell of a man, and they especially like it if they smell of a man can be traced back for months.
Secondly, place lots of scented candles around your abode. Women are born pyromaniacs and are sexually aroused by fire.
Thirdly, make sure all your doors and windows are deadlocked. Knowing no one can get in or out will give you a secure feeling, making you more relaxed for your big evening.
And finally, if you have a pet, like a dog, cat, butler or Welshman, give them a nice hit of chloroform before you depart. This will keep them out of mischief when you are out, and will make it easier to use them for sexual games if the date goes well and you return with a lady. Or even if it doesn’t go well and you return alone.
And that’s all the preparatory work completed! You’re ready to go on your date. Go get ‘em, you rare, big, predatory cat!
Part 1 – Convincing Your Date to Come Back to Yours after the Meal
The first thing to do when the final morsel of food has disappeared down your gullet is check your date’s plate to make sure she has finished her meal. If she has not, it is perfectly acceptable to lean over the table and bellow ‘Will you finish your meal good lady I have still a full evening of wooing to undertake!’. This will ensure she finishes up double quick. If she is still faffing about, then take her plate away from her and finish the meal in her place, making sure to show her just how quickly you can finish a plate of leftovers.
So now she has finished her meal, the invitation to come back to your house must be delivered. In most scenarios, a simple request to return to your house, followed by a small list of why your house is desirable will do for a start. This must be followed by a sensuous action, and a hint or suggestion that you might be asking her back for something ever so slightly nefarious, and then asking if she understands you. For example: “Good woman, I suggest both you and I retire to my abode. It is a well built, colonial house and the plumbing is robust.” Follow this with a wink or a leer, or maybe even heavy salivation and a hand placed down the front of one’s trousers. Then continue; “I thought we might spend an evening in the company of our genitalia, if you know what I mean.
In many cases, your date will not know what your suggestive phrase means. In such a scenario, it is more than fine to explain your phrase fully. May I suggest even bringing a flipchart, overhead projector or blackboard along to your date, to facilitate this task? If this is not an option – maybe you have gone to a small restaurant without the facilities available to house a variety of teaching aids – I have compiled a list of suggestive phrases, and the appropriate explanation to give to your date.
Suggestive phrase 1: I would like to investigate your nether regions for parasitical infestations, using only my penis.
Explanation: I do not wish to perform a health check only a paid professional should perform, my dear. Instead, I was merely suggesting we adopt a position whereby my penis can be in close proximity to your vagina for elongated periods of time. (You may wish to add ‘and time isn’t the only thing that will be elongated’ but you may have to explain that as well, and then you’re headed down a never-ending path.)
Suggestive phrase 2: I would like to perform with you something I have only ever heard about from my mother.
Explanation: I wish for you to show me how to a) bake scones, b) tie my shoelaces c) darn socks, d) make a packed lunch or e) look so wholesome. Then we are to have Sex.
Suggestive phrase 3: I wish to make an honest woman of you.
Explanation: I will teach you about the virtue of honesty, and then we shall test your newfound virtue by my leaving my wallet on the table, leaving the room for ten minutes, then coming back in. If my wallet is still there, then you are an Honest Woman.
I don’t know how that last one can lead to intercourse with a lady, so it might be better to skip it for now. Unless, of course, she is Jaime Lee Curtis in A Fish Called Wanda.
So, if you deliver the big question with a suitable amount of panache, your date will be left stunned and speechless, which makes it much easier to bundle her into the back of a taxi without her struggling.
Part Two: Getting Home
In the taxi, small talk might be necessary, to make your date feel comfortable. Small talk is just what it sounds like – you may only use words that are four letters long or less, or words that mean small or refer to small things, words like tiny or wee, or you must make references to small things, such as Kaiser Wilhelm II’s left arm or Lisa Kudrow’s face. Try it, it is a fun game and your date will be thrilled that you are Including Her.
When you return home, you must leave the taxi first. Make sure you do this quickly else you will have to pay for it. Skulk behind a wall or hedge until your date has rewarded the taxi driver with money for getting you home. Now you must invite your date into your house.
When inside, make sure you create a safe, soothing ambiance as soon as possible. Put some music on - I suggest having a record already on the turntable, so you can play it instantly. The record you choose will give away a great deal about you to your date, so make sure you pick a record that reflects your personality, one that exudes confidence, strength and racial purity. A record from Prussian Blue or Screwdriver for example, or even play the soundtrack from Triumph Of The Will. This will assure your date that you are not a gentleman to be Trifled With, let alone Apple Pie and Ice Creamed with.
Another good tip is to dim the lights. Not too much though, else you may fall over your coffee table or topple over your meticulously stacked porn! Just dim them a little. It creates a sultry, sexy atmosphere, and has the added advantage of helping hide any facial blemishes your date might have.
When the music is on, and the lights are dimmed, you need to offer your date a drink. Some people call this a nightcap but that’s a very silly thing to call it. A nightcap is a cap for nighttimes. It is not a drink. Pour into the largest receptacle you have (I suggest a sink, or bucket) a generous measure of whisky and top it up with gin, vodka, brandy, bourbon, Bacardi (or dark rum if you are out of Bacardi) and Advocaat. Put a splash of mixer, a tonic for example, or soda, coke, chocolate milk or perhaps more gin. Present the drink to your date, unless you used a fixed vessel, in which case present your date to her drink. She might be a little surprised by the size of it, and reluctant to drink it. This will not do at all – you made her a present. If your date absolutely refuses to touch the drink you made for her, stand stock still and scream as loudly and as high pitched as you can in short, sharp bursts.
Part 3 – The ‘Talk’
When your date has consumed her drink, it is time for you two to sit down and talk dirtily on the sofa. Dirty talk is an important part of wooing, but be careful, women will take anything you say to them as a cast iron promise! So remember, whatever you promise, you must have nearby, so your date does not think you to be nothing but a big, fat liar. Your talk must be full of possibilities about where the night ahead can lead to. I would strongly advise you try to direct the possibilities towards bedroom activities, and not an all night session playing with your immaculate Hornby Train Set, as women are peculiar beasts and a thrilling, miniature model of the rail infrastructure leading into New York’s Central Station will not maintain her interest, even if you show off and manipulate the signal lights with your penis.
Try instead, to whisper promises about what might happen when you retire to your bedroom later that evening. Mention your fine selection of superhero costumes, PVC underwear or wide array of pool balls you can gag either her or yourself with. Not only will she be aroused and stimulated, she will also be thrilled that you live in such a world of equality that you can cater for the gagging of both male and females. I suggest you do not gag the pair of you, as this may cut short any conversation.
If your date appears uncomfortable with the idea of superheroes and pool-ball and duct tape gags, then try moving her away from that extreme, and instead, use fluffy, cuddly language. Tell her you just want to cover her in whipped cream and snuffle away at it until your heart’s content, or lay her down on a bed covered in roses. Though, of course, it might be wise to prune the flower heads, just as a precautionary measure in case your date has an allergy to pollen! She will take the promise of a bed covered in thorny, dead stalks as a sign of your consideration.
Your date, of course, may be repulsed at such slushy sentimentality. In that case, simply try promising her a mixture of both. I’m sure, with a little effort, you can cover your Edward Penishands outfit with roses and fluffy bunny rabbits. And if you buy a super-high powered staple gun, you may not even have to kill the rabbits before attaching them! The little blighters squirm free if you just use glue or sticky tape, and you don’t want your big night ruined by your date calling the Animal Protection Society because you, quite reasonably, have found yourself having to use a five-iron to cull the dozens of scampering, fluffy nosed, terrified bunnies running around your bedroom.
Part 4 – Putting the right moves on
With the lights dimmed, and your beverages drunk, and with the sound of Adolf Hitler’s Speeches ringing out from your gramophone, the time will come when dirty talk will only go so far. When that part comes, you may need to start ‘putting the right moves on’. This is a simple, physical sign that you are ready to take your date into your bedroom and have your way with her.
Such signs are numerous, and each will produce a reaction from your date, hopefully positive! I suggest starting by leaning back on your sofa and stretching your arms out sideways. But hullo! Why, it’s almost not worth bringing that arm back in, is it? So why don’t we just leave it resting there, behind your date’s head? It’s very natural, and it looks like you’re not trying to sexually assault her, either! Now, I know it may be tempting to rest your hand so it clamps the back of your date’s neck in a painful, vicelike grip, and this is an entirely natural instinct. After all, we don’t want her fleeing, so we? But that will not entice your date to have Carnal Relations with you, so you must refrain from doing that. Simply leave your arm there, and plan your next move.
OF corus,e this is a hard move to pull of if your date is not on the sofa and instead is desperately trying to jimmy the locked door open with her credit cards. Or maybe you’ve had to sell your sofa, and whilst you are comfortably seated in your Laz-E-Boy, your date may well be sitting on the only other available seat in the house – the toilet. In this case, when you stretch your arms, you must stretch your entire body in the direction of your date. Shuffle sideways until you are next to her, or have pinned her into a corner, and then drape your arm over her shoulders. It is still an entirely natural action and your date will be none the wiser that she is just one step closer to being Totally Seduced.
Next, try suggesting to your date that it is a bit hot in here, and ask her if she would like you to remove her jumper. This tactic works best if you preset your thermostat to a hundred degrees before leaving your house for the original date. If your date is reluctant to take off her jumper, even though it is hotter than the sun in your house, try to make her feel at ease by removing your clothes instead. Start with your overcoat, then your hand-knitted tank top. If she has still shown no signs of wanting to remove her clothes, take off your leather t-shirt and wedding hat, Incredible Hulk mask, dog collar, pink ear muffs and chest wig. Then your assless chaps, jock strap, Thundercats underpants and fake foreskin, all the whiles fixing her with an unbroken stare and mouthing the words “hot, I’m hot”.
By now, your date should realise that yes, it is hot in here. Make sure you keep that unbroken eye contact, and dyour face expressionless and she should decide that maybe she ought to remove her jumper. When she does, bounce up and down, and clap your hands, and give a big squeal of happiness. Your Moves have Worked. Your date is ready to be led into the bedroom and the Act Iteself will commence.
Part 5 – The act itself.
This is the trickiest part of the date. The real deal closer. If you pull this off, then you are, without doubt, one of the finest wooers of your generation. Remember, many wooers do not reach this stage, for their lady may have escaped into the night during a previous section of wooing. However, because this last section of wooing is almost impossible to explain, I have included a handy three stage diagram, which clearly displays all the information required for you to succeed at this, the final hurdle.
And you’re done! The woman has been wooed, the act itself has finished! You may wish to climb off your date now, and show her to your door. Her part in the magical night is over. Now you must remove the tape from the hidden camera in your ceiling, and make sure you post your date’s father a copy of the film. He’ll want to see just how well his little princess performed!
Congratulations! You’re now a Fully Fledged Wooer and can go forth and tell others how to Woo. My work here is done.
One of the most important lessons my good father ever taught me, other than how to deal with Financial Matters, was that everything action you do has a consequence and that whatever you do, you will have to face up to that consequence, especially if it has involved a magic spell gone wrong, with family friendly results, but such problems can be overcome by discussing them with your two Aunts or talking cat. Actually, come to think of it, I think the adventures of Sabrina the Teenage Witch taught me that. All my father taught me was how to pass water standing up, and he didn’t do a good job of it because I constantly have urine stains on the inside of my legs and all over my shoes.
Nevertheless, learning to deal with consequences is important. Everything we do has a second part, if you will, and the noble art of wooing a lady is one of those very things. Wooing is not over when your date screams “get away from me you asshole”, or disappears to the toilet and crawls out the window or even if she decides to come home with you. Oh no, if that’s the case, then you have a whole new subdivision of wooing to learn.
If you followed section one of ‘How To Woo A Lady’, then your date will be suitably wooed by the end of the evening. If you did not follow the guide to the very letter, then your date may be in the process of applying for a court action against you. Do not panic! This is an entirely normal consequence of a failed wooing and if you find yourself in such a scenario, simply pull up your socks, bribe the necessary officials and continue your preliminary wooing assault.
If, however, you correctly applied the hints suggested to you, then your date will be initially wooed to a satisfactorily degree, and stage two of the wooing process can begin. It’s a nerve-wracking journey, but don’t worry. We shall get through this together! So, let us begin:
“How To Woo A Lady Part 2 – Getting Intimate With A Lady”.
Preparation: Make sure your house is lady friendly before you leave for your Big Date
This is a simple task. Firstly, as you are a bachelor, you will not have changed your bed sheets for months, or maybe you’ve never even changed them at all. Whatever you do, do not change them. If your date sees fresh sheets, she will no doubt feel that you already have a lady to complete such tasks and will leave, feeling unwanted. Additionally, ladies like the smell of a man, and they especially like it if they smell of a man can be traced back for months.
Secondly, place lots of scented candles around your abode. Women are born pyromaniacs and are sexually aroused by fire.
Thirdly, make sure all your doors and windows are deadlocked. Knowing no one can get in or out will give you a secure feeling, making you more relaxed for your big evening.
And finally, if you have a pet, like a dog, cat, butler or Welshman, give them a nice hit of chloroform before you depart. This will keep them out of mischief when you are out, and will make it easier to use them for sexual games if the date goes well and you return with a lady. Or even if it doesn’t go well and you return alone.
And that’s all the preparatory work completed! You’re ready to go on your date. Go get ‘em, you rare, big, predatory cat!
Part 1 – Convincing Your Date to Come Back to Yours after the Meal
The first thing to do when the final morsel of food has disappeared down your gullet is check your date’s plate to make sure she has finished her meal. If she has not, it is perfectly acceptable to lean over the table and bellow ‘Will you finish your meal good lady I have still a full evening of wooing to undertake!’. This will ensure she finishes up double quick. If she is still faffing about, then take her plate away from her and finish the meal in her place, making sure to show her just how quickly you can finish a plate of leftovers.
So now she has finished her meal, the invitation to come back to your house must be delivered. In most scenarios, a simple request to return to your house, followed by a small list of why your house is desirable will do for a start. This must be followed by a sensuous action, and a hint or suggestion that you might be asking her back for something ever so slightly nefarious, and then asking if she understands you. For example: “Good woman, I suggest both you and I retire to my abode. It is a well built, colonial house and the plumbing is robust.” Follow this with a wink or a leer, or maybe even heavy salivation and a hand placed down the front of one’s trousers. Then continue; “I thought we might spend an evening in the company of our genitalia, if you know what I mean.
In many cases, your date will not know what your suggestive phrase means. In such a scenario, it is more than fine to explain your phrase fully. May I suggest even bringing a flipchart, overhead projector or blackboard along to your date, to facilitate this task? If this is not an option – maybe you have gone to a small restaurant without the facilities available to house a variety of teaching aids – I have compiled a list of suggestive phrases, and the appropriate explanation to give to your date.
Suggestive phrase 1: I would like to investigate your nether regions for parasitical infestations, using only my penis.
Explanation: I do not wish to perform a health check only a paid professional should perform, my dear. Instead, I was merely suggesting we adopt a position whereby my penis can be in close proximity to your vagina for elongated periods of time. (You may wish to add ‘and time isn’t the only thing that will be elongated’ but you may have to explain that as well, and then you’re headed down a never-ending path.)
Suggestive phrase 2: I would like to perform with you something I have only ever heard about from my mother.
Explanation: I wish for you to show me how to a) bake scones, b) tie my shoelaces c) darn socks, d) make a packed lunch or e) look so wholesome. Then we are to have Sex.
Suggestive phrase 3: I wish to make an honest woman of you.
Explanation: I will teach you about the virtue of honesty, and then we shall test your newfound virtue by my leaving my wallet on the table, leaving the room for ten minutes, then coming back in. If my wallet is still there, then you are an Honest Woman.
I don’t know how that last one can lead to intercourse with a lady, so it might be better to skip it for now. Unless, of course, she is Jaime Lee Curtis in A Fish Called Wanda.
So, if you deliver the big question with a suitable amount of panache, your date will be left stunned and speechless, which makes it much easier to bundle her into the back of a taxi without her struggling.
Part Two: Getting Home
In the taxi, small talk might be necessary, to make your date feel comfortable. Small talk is just what it sounds like – you may only use words that are four letters long or less, or words that mean small or refer to small things, words like tiny or wee, or you must make references to small things, such as Kaiser Wilhelm II’s left arm or Lisa Kudrow’s face. Try it, it is a fun game and your date will be thrilled that you are Including Her.
When you return home, you must leave the taxi first. Make sure you do this quickly else you will have to pay for it. Skulk behind a wall or hedge until your date has rewarded the taxi driver with money for getting you home. Now you must invite your date into your house.
When inside, make sure you create a safe, soothing ambiance as soon as possible. Put some music on - I suggest having a record already on the turntable, so you can play it instantly. The record you choose will give away a great deal about you to your date, so make sure you pick a record that reflects your personality, one that exudes confidence, strength and racial purity. A record from Prussian Blue or Screwdriver for example, or even play the soundtrack from Triumph Of The Will. This will assure your date that you are not a gentleman to be Trifled With, let alone Apple Pie and Ice Creamed with.
Another good tip is to dim the lights. Not too much though, else you may fall over your coffee table or topple over your meticulously stacked porn! Just dim them a little. It creates a sultry, sexy atmosphere, and has the added advantage of helping hide any facial blemishes your date might have.
When the music is on, and the lights are dimmed, you need to offer your date a drink. Some people call this a nightcap but that’s a very silly thing to call it. A nightcap is a cap for nighttimes. It is not a drink. Pour into the largest receptacle you have (I suggest a sink, or bucket) a generous measure of whisky and top it up with gin, vodka, brandy, bourbon, Bacardi (or dark rum if you are out of Bacardi) and Advocaat. Put a splash of mixer, a tonic for example, or soda, coke, chocolate milk or perhaps more gin. Present the drink to your date, unless you used a fixed vessel, in which case present your date to her drink. She might be a little surprised by the size of it, and reluctant to drink it. This will not do at all – you made her a present. If your date absolutely refuses to touch the drink you made for her, stand stock still and scream as loudly and as high pitched as you can in short, sharp bursts.
Part 3 – The ‘Talk’
When your date has consumed her drink, it is time for you two to sit down and talk dirtily on the sofa. Dirty talk is an important part of wooing, but be careful, women will take anything you say to them as a cast iron promise! So remember, whatever you promise, you must have nearby, so your date does not think you to be nothing but a big, fat liar. Your talk must be full of possibilities about where the night ahead can lead to. I would strongly advise you try to direct the possibilities towards bedroom activities, and not an all night session playing with your immaculate Hornby Train Set, as women are peculiar beasts and a thrilling, miniature model of the rail infrastructure leading into New York’s Central Station will not maintain her interest, even if you show off and manipulate the signal lights with your penis.
Try instead, to whisper promises about what might happen when you retire to your bedroom later that evening. Mention your fine selection of superhero costumes, PVC underwear or wide array of pool balls you can gag either her or yourself with. Not only will she be aroused and stimulated, she will also be thrilled that you live in such a world of equality that you can cater for the gagging of both male and females. I suggest you do not gag the pair of you, as this may cut short any conversation.
If your date appears uncomfortable with the idea of superheroes and pool-ball and duct tape gags, then try moving her away from that extreme, and instead, use fluffy, cuddly language. Tell her you just want to cover her in whipped cream and snuffle away at it until your heart’s content, or lay her down on a bed covered in roses. Though, of course, it might be wise to prune the flower heads, just as a precautionary measure in case your date has an allergy to pollen! She will take the promise of a bed covered in thorny, dead stalks as a sign of your consideration.
Your date, of course, may be repulsed at such slushy sentimentality. In that case, simply try promising her a mixture of both. I’m sure, with a little effort, you can cover your Edward Penishands outfit with roses and fluffy bunny rabbits. And if you buy a super-high powered staple gun, you may not even have to kill the rabbits before attaching them! The little blighters squirm free if you just use glue or sticky tape, and you don’t want your big night ruined by your date calling the Animal Protection Society because you, quite reasonably, have found yourself having to use a five-iron to cull the dozens of scampering, fluffy nosed, terrified bunnies running around your bedroom.
Part 4 – Putting the right moves on
With the lights dimmed, and your beverages drunk, and with the sound of Adolf Hitler’s Speeches ringing out from your gramophone, the time will come when dirty talk will only go so far. When that part comes, you may need to start ‘putting the right moves on’. This is a simple, physical sign that you are ready to take your date into your bedroom and have your way with her.
Such signs are numerous, and each will produce a reaction from your date, hopefully positive! I suggest starting by leaning back on your sofa and stretching your arms out sideways. But hullo! Why, it’s almost not worth bringing that arm back in, is it? So why don’t we just leave it resting there, behind your date’s head? It’s very natural, and it looks like you’re not trying to sexually assault her, either! Now, I know it may be tempting to rest your hand so it clamps the back of your date’s neck in a painful, vicelike grip, and this is an entirely natural instinct. After all, we don’t want her fleeing, so we? But that will not entice your date to have Carnal Relations with you, so you must refrain from doing that. Simply leave your arm there, and plan your next move.
OF corus,e this is a hard move to pull of if your date is not on the sofa and instead is desperately trying to jimmy the locked door open with her credit cards. Or maybe you’ve had to sell your sofa, and whilst you are comfortably seated in your Laz-E-Boy, your date may well be sitting on the only other available seat in the house – the toilet. In this case, when you stretch your arms, you must stretch your entire body in the direction of your date. Shuffle sideways until you are next to her, or have pinned her into a corner, and then drape your arm over her shoulders. It is still an entirely natural action and your date will be none the wiser that she is just one step closer to being Totally Seduced.
Next, try suggesting to your date that it is a bit hot in here, and ask her if she would like you to remove her jumper. This tactic works best if you preset your thermostat to a hundred degrees before leaving your house for the original date. If your date is reluctant to take off her jumper, even though it is hotter than the sun in your house, try to make her feel at ease by removing your clothes instead. Start with your overcoat, then your hand-knitted tank top. If she has still shown no signs of wanting to remove her clothes, take off your leather t-shirt and wedding hat, Incredible Hulk mask, dog collar, pink ear muffs and chest wig. Then your assless chaps, jock strap, Thundercats underpants and fake foreskin, all the whiles fixing her with an unbroken stare and mouthing the words “hot, I’m hot”.
By now, your date should realise that yes, it is hot in here. Make sure you keep that unbroken eye contact, and dyour face expressionless and she should decide that maybe she ought to remove her jumper. When she does, bounce up and down, and clap your hands, and give a big squeal of happiness. Your Moves have Worked. Your date is ready to be led into the bedroom and the Act Iteself will commence.
Part 5 – The act itself.
This is the trickiest part of the date. The real deal closer. If you pull this off, then you are, without doubt, one of the finest wooers of your generation. Remember, many wooers do not reach this stage, for their lady may have escaped into the night during a previous section of wooing. However, because this last section of wooing is almost impossible to explain, I have included a handy three stage diagram, which clearly displays all the information required for you to succeed at this, the final hurdle.
And you’re done! The woman has been wooed, the act itself has finished! You may wish to climb off your date now, and show her to your door. Her part in the magical night is over. Now you must remove the tape from the hidden camera in your ceiling, and make sure you post your date’s father a copy of the film. He’ll want to see just how well his little princess performed!
Congratulations! You’re now a Fully Fledged Wooer and can go forth and tell others how to Woo. My work here is done.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)